Meditation and silent retreat in Wat Suan Mokkh Thailand

Before I left Denmark I didn't really have many plans about where I wanted to go or what I wanted to see. One of the only things I knew I wanted to experience was going to a meditation and silent retreat at Wat Suan Mokkh near Chaya, Surat Thani province Thailand. 
I first came across reading about it here. http://www.bemytravelmuse.com/suan-mokkh/

This is just what I need, 10 days in solitude. Sure I don't expect to come out as a new person, but I reckon its a really good way for me to take a look inside and get to know myself a bit more. 

The word retreat is a bit misleading, cause really it doesn't sound like one of those nice retreats where you go to detox, sleep in a beautiful bungalow and having massages and scrubs and great juice ect. 

It actually sounds like hard work. 

• 4am start each morning
• Hours of hours of sitting in uncomfortable positions.
• Two vegetarian meals a day (8am and 12.30)
• No coffee.
• 6 hours of sleep on a concrete bed.
• No killing anything (this goes for mosquitoes also)
• No talking, reading, writing for the duration of the retreat.

Just you and your thoughts.

For some the thought of during this would scare the shit out of them. For me its a challenge.
I once took the trans Siberian railway for 7 days straight because I wanted to see what would happen to one after 7 days on a train....  

The daily schedule looks like this:

04.00 Wake up by the monastery bell

04.30 Morning reading

04.45 Sitting meditation

05.15 Yoga/exercise

 07.00 Dhamma talk & sitting meditaion

08.00 Breakfast & daily chores

10.00 Dhamma talks

11.00 Walking or standing meditation

11.45 Sitting meditation

12.30 Lunch and chores

14.30 Meditation instructions

15.30 Walking or standing meditation

16.15 Sitting meditation

17.00 Chanting & loving kindness meditation

18.00 Tea & hot springs

19.30 Sitting meditation

20.00 Group walk meditation

20.30 Sitting meditation

21.00 Bed time

21.30 Lights out

This schedule is pretty much the same for 10 days.

So Saturday I go to Surat Thani to spend the night and the main monastery and Sunday morning early I make my way to the Wat for the interview and registration. Then repacking so I only bring the essentials and put away the rest for storage. 

10 days of being cut of from the world. No internet access, no news, no emails, no music, no tv, no books to read, no social media, and no journal to write down my thoughts. 
I am actually really looking forward to this, only thing I think I will miss is not writing my thoughts down... But then I guess that's a big part of it. Just being in the now, not the past, not the future, just being in the present.

Why am I participating in this? What do I hope to achieve?
I am participating in this because I am ready for it. I want to get to know myself more. Being surrounded by no material things, just me and my thoughts.

The last couple of months I have been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what is good for me, 
This has let me to do a lot of yoga back in Denmark, and it also took me on a one week yoga retreat on Rhodes in the beginning of May. (an that was actually a retreat)
It was a week in beautiful surroundings, with some amazing woman around and with only one purpose. To do a lot of yoga. 
A post about my one week yoga retreat will come at a later point. 

For now I am enjoying the simple land tranquil life on beautiful Koh Phangan, staying at Beach village, relaxing by the pool, reading my book, writing my journal and just looking out over the sea. Preparing my self mentally for what is to come. 

My lovely bungalow at Beach Village Koh Phangnan

The view from my bungalow

 

The viking is alive yet again

Its been over 4 years since I last posted anything on this blog...
The viking has done some travelling in that period but she has also been living in Denmark, and not been that inspired to write any new entries...
In 2009 I choose to say goodbye to my life in Cambodia and return to Denmark.
I wanted a change of scenery... Sometimes you don't appreciate how good you have it, till you leave and you see it from a distance...
I wanted to go back to Denmark, to take an education, get a "normal" 8-4 job, and try what life in Denmark would be like.

In 2012 I graduated with AP degree in Hospitality and Tourism. I moved to Copenhagen and began in the office of a huge newly open hostel. I worked with revenue management, optimising sales, organising groups that was staying with us and so much more. I though I was happy and I learned a lot. I experienced what work life in Denmark is like. Learned what its like to sit in an office all day. 
In 2013 I bought an apartment, part of the growing up, settling down kinda thing, but something was missing... 

Each trip back to Cambodia in those years left me with a feeling of wanting to go back. But each time I ignored the feeling, ignored my intuition and settled back into the life I had created in Denmark. But I wasn't happy, something was missing but I couldn't put a finger on what it was.

In early 2015  I was at a turning point in my life. I knew something needed to happened, but I was unsure of what and how.

I had a planned 2 week holiday in Thailand at the end of Feb coming up and my doctor kept insisting that taking the trip would be the best I could do. Get away, get some sun and a change of scenery...

So I left Denmark. No harm in going to Thailand, its not Cambodia I thought, so its wont get to me like when I am in Cambodia, I won't feel homesick. Its like when a Dane visits Sweden, same same but different...  Oh was I wrong.... Barely had I sat foot at Bangkok airport before it was like I woke up, - like a bear from hibernating.

All of a sudden I felt alive again. From the airport to the hostel, I shed a few tears behind my sunglasses. Not sad tears, but tears of being overwhelmed and tears because of the feeling of coming home... It was quite intense and I weren't completely sure how to react...

Dropped the bag at the hostel, went to a bar and ordered a beer and a pack of cigarettes and took out my journal.... Write write write I said to myself. Write down what's going on in that little head of yours... And so I did. During that 2 week holiday I went to some beautiful islands in Thailand (Phuket, Phi Phi and Koh Lipe) and somewhere on Phi Phi, sitting on Long beach it became clear to me that there was only one right thing to do, and that was taking control over my life and make a 180 degree turn and move back out here. Back out here where I feel like I belong, where I feel alive, were I have a hunger, for food, for life, for adventures, and a hunger for finding me, and being me.

I returned to Denmark and handed in my notice at work the next day. It was like a ton of stones had fallen of my shoulders. I felt relieved, excited, nervous, but without a doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do.

Back in Jan I took some hatha yoga classes and the teachers always talked about how important is was to know your body and to follow your intuition. At that time I didn't know what she was talking about, but now I do. .

When you sit quietly and think and feel, you can feel that place deep deep down. That place where you can feel hurt and where it can feel so warm and so right. I believe that is where your intuition lies. On Phi Phi I felt a pain there, because I knew something had to chance and I had to come back out to Asia. Now after making the decision to return, I feel calm and peacefulness.

I have spent the last two months back on Denmark, sorting out all the practical stuff. Renting out my appartment, vacciations, insourance, selling 90% of my stuff, storing the rest. Meeting up with friends and family to tell them about my move. More or less everybody is as excited as I am, and the ones that aren't I know no longer will be a part of my lifes adventure.

I arrived back in Bangkok Wednesday the 20th may. As I am writing this, I am sitting on Koh Tao by the beach. Surrounded by tourist that just like me is here for the great happy hour and to watch the sun set. Alone amongst people, I have realised, that's how I like it.

I still don't know what happiness is to me, but I am sure that by making this move, I am a big step closer in finding out. Now I go to bed with a smile and I wake up with a smile. I follow my intuition and I am slowly getting to know myself. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and that's OK.
The pills the doctor prescribed for the depression is long gone and I am convinced that by the power of the mind and following my intuition I will find out what happiness is to me...

 What is happiness to you?