The viking has done some travelling in that period but she has also been living in Denmark, and not been that inspired to write any new entries...
In 2009 I choose to say goodbye to my life in Cambodia and return to Denmark.
I wanted a change of scenery... Sometimes you don't appreciate how good you have it, till you leave and you see it from a distance...
I wanted to go back to Denmark, to take an education, get a "normal" 8-4 job, and try what life in Denmark would be like.
In 2012 I graduated with AP degree in Hospitality and Tourism. I moved to Copenhagen and began in the office of a huge newly open hostel. I worked with revenue management, optimising sales, organising groups that was staying with us and so much more. I though I was happy and I learned a lot. I experienced what work life in Denmark is like. Learned what its like to sit in an office all day.
In 2013 I bought an apartment, part of the growing up, settling down kinda thing, but something was missing...
Each trip back to Cambodia in those years left me with a feeling of wanting to go back. But each time I ignored the feeling, ignored my intuition and settled back into the life I had created in Denmark. But I wasn't happy, something was missing but I couldn't put a finger on what it was.
In early 2015 I was at a turning point in my life. I knew something needed to happened, but I was unsure of what and how.
I had a planned 2 week holiday in Thailand at the end of Feb coming up and my doctor kept insisting that taking the trip would be the best I could do. Get away, get some sun and a change of scenery...
So I left Denmark. No harm in going to Thailand, its not Cambodia I thought, so its wont get to me like when I am in Cambodia, I won't feel homesick. Its like when a Dane visits Sweden, same same but different... Oh was I wrong.... Barely had I sat foot at Bangkok airport before it was like I woke up, - like a bear from hibernating.
All of a sudden I felt alive again. From the airport to the hostel, I shed a few tears behind my sunglasses. Not sad tears, but tears of being overwhelmed and tears because of the feeling of coming home... It was quite intense and I weren't completely sure how to react...
Dropped the bag at the hostel, went to a bar and ordered a beer and a pack of cigarettes and took out my journal.... Write write write I said to myself. Write down what's going on in that little head of yours... And so I did. During that 2 week holiday I went to some beautiful islands in Thailand (Phuket, Phi Phi and Koh Lipe) and somewhere on Phi Phi, sitting on Long beach it became clear to me that there was only one right thing to do, and that was taking control over my life and make a 180 degree turn and move back out here. Back out here where I feel like I belong, where I feel alive, were I have a hunger, for food, for life, for adventures, and a hunger for finding me, and being me.
I returned to Denmark and handed in my notice at work the next day. It was like a ton of stones had fallen of my shoulders. I felt relieved, excited, nervous, but without a doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do.
Back in Jan I took some hatha yoga classes and the teachers always talked about how important is was to know your body and to follow your intuition. At that time I didn't know what she was talking about, but now I do. .
When you sit quietly and think and feel, you can feel that place deep deep down. That place where you can feel hurt and where it can feel so warm and so right. I believe that is where your intuition lies. On Phi Phi I felt a pain there, because I knew something had to chance and I had to come back out to Asia. Now after making the decision to return, I feel calm and peacefulness.
I have spent the last two months back on Denmark, sorting out all the practical stuff. Renting out my appartment, vacciations, insourance, selling 90% of my stuff, storing the rest. Meeting up with friends and family to tell them about my move. More or less everybody is as excited as I am, and the ones that aren't I know no longer will be a part of my lifes adventure.
I arrived back in Bangkok Wednesday the 20th may. As I am writing this, I am sitting on Koh Tao by the beach. Surrounded by tourist that just like me is here for the great happy hour and to watch the sun set. Alone amongst people, I have realised, that's how I like it.
I still don't know what happiness is to me, but I am sure that by making this move, I am a big step closer in finding out. Now I go to bed with a smile and I wake up with a smile. I follow my intuition and I am slowly getting to know myself. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and that's OK.
The pills the doctor prescribed for the depression is long gone and I am convinced that by the power of the mind and following my intuition I will find out what happiness is to me...
What is happiness to you?
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